Blaine's sparks for spikes
by brittanasnaya
Summary: Blaine, the same blaine you all know, is on a quest to rule the world, forcing everyone to listen to his music 24/7. One day, he walks into the glee club and notices a new glee cast member. This moment will change his life is changed forever.
1. Chapter 1

I have lived my whole life looking for my soul mate, _knowing_ that he was somewhere out there. But whenever I thought I had found _the one_, it always ended badly. I would end up either betraying them or vice versa. No one had the ability to satisfy my sexual, physical and moral needs really. I am Blaine Anderson after all. I was captain of the cheerios, lead singer of the glee club and the warblers. I had girls like Tina drooling over me even though I was gay. I was McKinley 2013's class valedictorian; I literally put the "dick" in valedicktorian. I made my speech right after I had received a blowjob from the school janitor/ former principal, Figgins. I managed to convince everyone at my school that if they did not vote for me, they would be dubbed and known as lousy homophobic assholes even though my opponent was bisexual. And thus, I became the first gay president of the United States. Oh, I mean McKinley high school so I decided to give up on love and focus on bigger and better things.

I had massive plans for the future; I was looking at world domination. I am busy right now working on developing a plan that would allow me to pull a Niyazov once I graduate from high school. This was the only way I could get my music out there for _everyone_ to listen to.

Saparmurat Niyazov was, for those of you who have not heard about him, one of the greatest dictators that has ever live. He was the president of Turkmenistan and imposed significant laws to his country: He banned smoking, chewing tobacco, the Internet and even owning a fucking dog. One of the most remarkable laws he had imposed on his country was that his autobiography, the Ruhnama, had to be read at every level of elementary and collegiate education in every school in the country. I was planning on doing the same with my music, _forcing_ people to purchase my music and listen to it everyday and have tests on it at least once every year was the only way I could shine and be seen as the star that I am. Freedom was overrated after all. And democracy was a lousy concept that only leads to physical and verbal violence. My history with bullying was the reason I had to put an end to this useless American propaganda.

Glee club was also this hellhole I had to put up with at least twice a week. Each week, Mr. Schue would assign us with these lousy topics that do not always involve me. Most of the time, they were either about dead artists or his love for vests or whatever the fuck he could come up with on the spot. And even though I got 99% of all the solos, I still was not being seen as quite the star that I am. I needed to conquer the world; glee club was just holding me back.

However, on April 30th 2014, my life changed completely. It had seemed like a new member of the glee club was joining us for the week. I just stared at him, in awe of his beauty. The exclusivity of his skin drew me closer to him. I remember the first time I had ever touched him and how beautiful it was. As I attempted to caress his green shoulder, I felt a painful scratch in the part of me that had made physical contact with him. It was daring, I felt like he was drawing me back with his dangerous spikes, and I was definitely ready to throw myself into a more enterprising and risky relationship.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? Did you seriously just put your hand on a cactus? Are you literally this stupid? You are bleeding now let me take you to the nurse." Tina yelled out in the back.

"Cactus?" I replied.

"Yes, Mr. Schuester told us to redecorate the choir room so Sam came up with a brilliant idea of using the little money that he has to buy a cactus." Tina said in what I assume was a sarcastic tone.

"He's _beautiful_." I said as I acknowledged his exceptionality.

"HE? Did you stroke your head against the cactus too? You need to talk to Ms. Pillsbury after we are done with the nurse." Tina fetched a towel and wrapped it around my hand to stop the bleeding. She later took me to the nurse and told her what had happened.

I could not stop thinking of cactus and the way he stood there, doing absolutely nothing. I have always wanted a boyfriend who could just take a moment to shut up. Nothing could possibly compare to the excitement I had knowing that I was going to see him again the next day.


	2. Chapter 2

I could not wait to see the outstanding beauty that is Cactus. The next day, we had a Glee club meeting at four and my classes started at eight. I had a lot of time to spear so I spent most of that time daydreaming about him, drawing caricatures of us holding hands and walking on the beach together. I just felt like he fulfilled everything I ever wanted in a person - or in this case - a plant. I just wanted to see him again, to touch him again and feel the sudden pain rush through my veins. The touch he gave me was like an adrenaline rush for me, our connection was an adrenaline rush, and I was hooked.

At four, everyone sat in their usual seats, except for me. I decided to switch places with Marley so that I could be the nearest to Cactus. And while Mr. Schuester babbled on and on about Jesus or something, I just kept giving Cactus the dirtiest looks. I was trying to show him that I was into him, _that I wanted him_. I winked at him, swayed my hair back in style, pressed my lips together and slowly pulled my tongue out to viciously lick my upper lip. I even pressed down my pants for God's sake. Nothing worked.

"Dude, what's up with your boner?" Jacob whispered from behind while I was trying to titillate Cactus.

"Uhh… I… I don't know... Jesus turns me on." I answered randomly.

"What the fuck? This lesson isn't even about Jesus. Jesus was part of last week's assignment." He leans in closely and asks, "Are you crushing on Mr. Schue?"

"What?"

"Because I heard he likes to have sex with students and I think you might have a shot."

"Yes. I am. You caught me." _What was I doing? Why did I lie?_

"That's awesome bro, we've all been there. I didn't go all the way. I just sucked his dick to pass Spanish class but seeing as you're gay, you might actually enjoy it."

I nodded.

"Just go over there and tell him you wanna fuck him, but try to be subtle."

After an odd and awfully disturbing conversation with Jake, I decided to go with my instinct and fuck Mr. Schue to make Cactus jealous. My sexy faces were clearly not getting his attention; it was officially time for plan B.

After class, as Mr. Schuester was packing the bag on his desk, I approach him with a smile and moaned.

"Blaine, what can I do for you?" Mr. Schuester said.

"I was wondering if I could see you during your office hours? Or maybe after…" I said in a deep, sexy tone.

"Um, is this about glee club?" He wondered.

"Yes, this is about your _dee_ club." I answered fiercely.

"Blaine, you suck at the sexy talk. Get yourself trained and come to my office tomorrow around six. I need you to practice your hand job for tomorrow as well. I'll be grading you based on display, presentation and overall performance." He rests his hands on my shoulder, exhales and continues "Listen, I want to prepare you kids for the future, for the real world. Do you know how hard it is out there? No you don't. I do. I want you to fuck me hard because _life will fuck you harder_. Alright?

"Okay, thank you for your time sir."

I did it. I had sex with Mr. Schuester and I got a B- but that's not important. I just couldn't wait to rub it in Cactus's face. This was bound to get his attention.


End file.
